Death and Dying

Death and Dying

Death has been one of my teachers. The most repeated and undigested family story of my childhood was of my Great Aunt Eliza's death in a tornado at the age of six. My father became ill in 1948 when I was two years old. After his death in 1959, my family handled the loss by not speaking about it. I vowed never to experience death in silence again. I was trained as a hospice volunteer in 1997, but took a leave because my senile mother was dying. She was a hospice patient for 10 months. The tender daily care she received revived her interest in eating, so she lived on for many years, bedridden and helpless at the end. She spent her last years in a nursing home ten miles from my home and died while I was out of the country in April 2007. My husband Vic was with her in her last hours. Vic, my lover, friend, and companion of 42 years, died in June 2008. He was sick with an aggressive and incurable form of lymphoma for two years. I took Hospice training again in 2010 and bereavement training in 2011.

A few of the many essays I've written about coping with loss since my husband died are posted in the bereavement section of the Tompkins County Hospicare website. I've linked each article to the Hospicare articles, but sometimes you'll need to scroll down to find my article. I'm also providing links to other essays written about my family experiences with death.

Continuing Bonds: This article talks about my continuing sense of connection with Vic, three years after his death. I wrote it to announce a peer bereavement support group for women who have lost their partners and spouses. I facilitate the group and love the new connections and new friends.

Feathers of Hope: My reflections on the first wedding anniversary spent without my husband of 40 years.

Medicine and Memories: An essay about facing the medicines that had gathered dust since my husband's death and the emotions and memories stirred up by that chore.

A Survival Guide for Life after Loss: Thirty suggestions for nurturing body, mind, and spirit.

Tending the Body Through the Hard Times: I have found it challenging to take good care of myself during my husband's illness and after his death. This article includes advice that helps me.

Gratitude and Grief: I never doubted that our great love was worth the grief I was experiencing, but my heart felt broken and my life derailed. This was published at gratefulness.org and also in the New York State Hospice and Palliative Care Association newsletter.

The Blessing: Despite my mother's extreme physical weakness and Alzheimer's disease, I learned it is never too late to heal our hearts.

From Medicine to Mercy: I wrote this about an experience I had with my mother a few years ago. It explores the struggle to make good medical choices for someone who cannot make them for herself.

Death Without Hospice, Life With Hospice: I wrote this essay in May, 2000. It was used by the New York State Hospice Association in their newsletter and in the NY State Legislative Gazette to encourage funding support for Hospice.

Cyclone at Bean Creek: My great aunt was killed in a tornado at the age of six. This is what I know about her story.