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bwlogo.jpg (4694 bytes)The Church Of Spiritual Enlightenment, ADVANCED COUNSELING SERVICES, INC.


"LOADIES", CONFRONT and BEING

All too often, a client might have something to say about not "Being Herself".

This phenomenon has been variously designated as "out of valence", "circuits", "false identity", "the Inner Child", and so forth. All too often (I repeat), one confuses Basic Identity with these "Shadow Personalities". These "shadows" can come from anywhere - Dad's ideas, Mom's fears, the neighborhood bully, the priest in confession, a bad drug trip, the rich girl on the hill, a past life or lives...You name it, they can come from anywhere.

In growing up in New York, I had a passle of "labels" that were laid on me due to my family background. These labels might have stuck with me, had I not really wanted to be the very best at "Loadies".

"Loadies" was a sidewalk game. You found a metal bottle cap, and fit some material, usually a chipped and used up checker, or a piece of discarded orange peel, snugly into the cap. Then you "shot" your cap, like marbles, around a series of chalk-marked boxes on the sidewalks of Convent and 129th Street, numbered 1 through 13, plus the four "Aces" segments around the "13" box, and back down again. You could bump other players to advance, and once you went through the whole trip, your cap was a "King", with special privileges - one of them being the ability to shoot an opponent into the next block, if you had the skill.

Well, as a nine year old, I used to get "sailed" onto 130th Street, or down into an alley, or down into the basement, or over the fence into the backyard.

But, I persevered. And each summer, I got better.

Finally, by my 12th year, I was a monster "Loadies" player, and I would play in the money games, against the big grown-up guys.Did the same thing, playing handball against the NY Fire Department guys, when I was 13 - only then it was for beers.

Ditto, softball, up on 135th Street, with the Irish and Italian kids.

Ditto again with the black kids and basketball, and football. Once I even had to bloody up the son of the manager of the neighborhood football team, because I tackled him kind of rough (not protocol - he was the son of the manager), and the manager didn't like it..."You boys are going to have to settle this like men...oh, LaMont's gonna get his butt kicked, cause Brother Barnsdale trains with Sugar Ray's nephews....I'm betting on Brother...I bet he knocks LaMont out...so on and so on.

Well, I let Brother throw a couple of ineffectual punches, then I bloodied his nose. The manager steps in and examines it, and declares, "Lucky punch - Brother's ok. Now, you guys fight fair (!)". So, he's a little warier now, and comes in with a flurry and a rush. I split his lower lip. Now Brother Barnsdale is a bloody mess. Now, "Dad" stops the fight, and demands that we shake hands, saying it was "..a fair fight". Truth be known, he was just very busily saving his boy's bacon, is all.

But, I had no trouble in that neighborhood ever again, because I stopped being who they thought I was, and demonstrated who I knew myself to be.

Overcoming racial (from the whites and the blacks), size and neighborhood barriers (I was known as a "Mixed Breed" by those kids), made me hell on wheels. By the time I hit the Service, I was ready for bear.

There, I was assailed as an "uppity City Nigger", and was always forced to be first through the live fire, first through the obstacle course, first to get latrine duty, first on KP, and always got the Graveyard Watch.

It was also my solemn task, during all of Survival Training to scuttle through at 5:45am, and wake up the scorpions, black widow spiders and rattlesnakes, down at the Obstacle Course underground crawl spaces.

When folks saw how well I could fold a parachute, they used to ask me to fold theirs. I would always state, "If I screw up, it's my butt in my chute. If you screw up, it'll be 'Johnson did it', so you just better learn how to fold your own chute and live with the consequences - I do."

Then, flying over the Black Sea, I spot two MiG 21-D's (brand new bogeys at the time),just as IFOF (Identification Friend or Foe) declares an "abort mission", but not fast enough to save our tailsection from getting stitched by wing cannon fire. We dropped the ship, a C-130 Hercules (designation F-II) about 20,000 feet, and on the roll-out we cracked enough spars to have to send the poor bird back to Ling-Tempco-Vaught in Houston. Those guys in the MiGs were trying to label us dead men. But, we all ate dinner in our own messhall that night.

Then, there I am in New York, up against monster pianists - every one of them University or Conservatory trained -

Or, the New York Music Mafia -

Or, Saint Hill -

Or, Power Auditors -

Or Class VIII's -

Or Mission Holders -

Or the Hollywood Film Mafia -

Or Anti-Free Zone Operatives -

Or Xhurch Lawyers -

All I do is work feverishly and hard until I have clearly demonstrated I am the very damned best I can be - and, usually, that's a heck of a lot better than most.

Comes from ducking fists, bullets and epitaphs, while piling in a few good licks of my own, because "LaMont, you're a this, that or the other" has always come with some other vicious stuff which then needed to be confronted and handled.

So, I am mighty proud of my accomplishments.

But I also love hearing from each and every one of you, and I validate Up-Stats, plain and simple.

So, if being LaMont isn't your cup of tea, that's just Jim-Dandy fine with me - because it's my hat in the first place, and I'm wearing the hell out of it.

So the moral of this tome is that the very best thing one can do is to shuck these "Shadows" which others would hang on one. Just because one used to get the heck beat out of them playing loadies, it doesn't mean that one can't confront and handle the loadies demons and best them. And when that is done, one is truly Being.

And, boy, is that fun !!!

Love,

LaMont Johnson

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© Copyright 1986, 1998 by The Church of Spiritual Enlightment, Advanced Counseling Services, Inc. (A California Non-Profit Corporation) ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. ACCESS® and TEC™ are trademarks relating to certain discoveries and applications of religious-philosophic procedures developed by LaMont Johnson.

This website was last edited on Sunday, December 20, 1998 10:42:44 PM

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