((My comments in double parentheses - Homer))
 
                            THE PERFECT GAME
 
                                ACT - 69
                              26 July 1994
 
                 Copyright (C) 1994 Homer Wilson Smith
       Redistribution rights granted for non commercial purposes.
 
 
     I have always assumed that Perfect Happiness was possible.
 
     This is not native to me, as I started off life born in Hell, but
through the years and the various things that happened I had a number of
visions of higher states of consciousness, mostly having to do with raw
beauty.  I did not particularly ever see the perfect happiness that I
longed for, what I saw in fact was beauty tinged by searing sorrow and
permanent loss.
 
     Indeed what I saw was PERFECT LOSS of PERFECT Beauty, of Beauty
beyond Perfect Beauty, of indescribable beauties the very
noncomprehension of which was the source of eternal sadness.
 
     But rather than get lost in the loss of it all, I instead
concentrated on the PERFECTION of the loss, and I saw that Perfection
existed, and I was Perfectly certain of that.
 
     Whether this perfection was of perfect happiness or perfect sadness
though was open to question, the evidence sure seemed to point in the
wrong direction.
 
     Then many years later I had a few really nice visions, real high,
real sweet and I knew at last that there was goodness in the world, but
it seemed to be encased by higher badness and probably to this day I
have not broken through the last highest badness I ever saw.  Seems like
Beauty and Ugly go out the top layered in kind of a Napoleon layer cake,
first a level of Beauty, then a higher monster layer of Ugly, then an
even higher layer of Beauty etc.
 
     Even the Beauties themselves are layered in the Frosties and the
Friendlies.  First a Frosty Beauty, then a Friendly Beauty, then a
Frosty Beauty etc.  And between each was a layer of Ugly.
 
     Each time I managed to stick my nose into one of these higher
layers of Beauty, I would immediately crash into the next higher layer
of Ugly and get stuck there for a LONG time.  This is the Ascension
Crash Effect which seems to be the latest rage in auditing.
 
     Anyhow, what I saw from all this was that at each level of Beauty
or Ugly there was something to be understood about that level, and that
the understanding itself was the source of that Beauty and or Ugly.
Thus if I could attain the understanding of a particular level I could
turn on that Beauty or Ugly at will.
 
     The hard part though was most of these levels were just
outrageously noncomprehensible to me, I knew there was a message there,
but not what it was.
 
     I did a lot of drugs, pot and LSD to be specific, which took me up
to these levels a number of times.  My last few LSD trips were quite
glorious and actually gave me a repeated taste of a very friendly level
of Excalibur Beauty that I really wish I could have all day long.  Its a
total friendliness towards all of existence and really sweet and
radiantly gorgeous.  But I spent the whole trip, a number of them,
trying to understand the damn stuff, utterly failing every time.  So of
course once the drug wore off I was not able to maintain the Beauty
state.
 
     What I did learn over the years was there was a game to play here
in all this and the game went as follows.
 
     It starts off with the assumption that perfect Happiness is
possible.
 
     It asserts further that happiness or unhappiness is the result of
understanding, of what you believe or know with certainty to be true
about the universe.  It is asserted that the basic nature of existence
is TRUTH, it is not just an IS, it is an IS that is concerned with WHAT
IS, truth in other words, and so understanding down here at the human
level is very much a connecting cord back up to that TRUTH.
 
     There is a further assertion that the top level truth is ABSOLUTELY
in accord with our personal desire, which means that if we could attain
perfect understanding of what actually was true, we would have that
perfect happiness.
 
     It could be that WHAT IS is actually very undesirable, in which
case the more we found out about the WHAT IS the unhappier we would get,
so this is no small assumption that WHAT IS is actually in perfect
accordance with our desire and should not be taken lightly.
 
     To the degree then that our understanding does not correspond to
what truly is, we have an inaccurate view of WHAT IS.  Since there is
only one WHAT IS that would make us perfectly happy, if we think that
some other WHAT IS actually obtains, then we will fall away from perfect
happiness.
 
     Now it is not at all clear that WHAT IS is actually desirable at
all.
 
     But what is clear is that we have desires, and that if we were a
God of sorts and could create any ultimate WHAT IS that we wanted to, we
would create one that would make us as happy as possible, even if it
included periodic forays into nightmare city.
 
     From this comes the game that I was talking about.
 
     Now the first problem is that most people are no longer in contact
with their desires.  They have lost and hurt so much and for so long,
that they have numbed their desires absolutely out of existence and
buried them with concrete and not-is.
 
     So how is anyone going to create the best of all possible worlds
for himself if he no longer knows what he desires?  These people are in
such suppressed pain, that they no longer dare remember what they want
because it just hurts them too much to know that they can't have it.  So
these people are not really able to play this game at all.
 
     None the less we have to play the game.  So the first part of the
game is to find out WHAT WE DESIRE.  Our desire is our most important
possession, next to life and existence itself.  It makes us happy when
we have what we want, and unhappy when we have what we don't want.  So
squash our desire out of existence, to make believe it is not there, to
deny what we want merely because we can't have it, to refuse to feel the
sorrow of eternal permanent loss is really a high crime against
ourselves.
 
     We have come to despise our desire for its lack of accord with WHAT
IS, our desire has become an anathema to us, a second rate citizen in
our lives, like a bum on the street, or a criminal at our door,
something we would do better without, something we wish would go away
and leave us alone.  So we trash it in the grave yard of not-is, and
pretty soon we are 'happy' again having all the things that we detest
more than anything.
 
     So the first job we have is to dig our desire up out of its grave,
and dust it off and put it back on a pedestal where it belongs as our
number one friend and raison d'etre.
 
     This is a hard job, because of the encrustations of sorrow and
bitterness and eternal rage, but it can and must be done in order to
become a perfectly happy person or to go really really clear and OT.
 
     Now of course just because you want something, doesn't mean you
necessarily can have it, so dusting off your desire and bringing it out
into the daylight where everyone can see is a mighty risky proposition,
you might start crying in public.
 
     But this then is the game.
 
     1.) Perfect happiness exists.  Perfect happiness obtains when
desire is perfectly fulfilled.  Desire is perfectly fulfilled when there
is perfect accord between what desire wants and WHAT IS.
 
     Now you can say, well I don't know WHAT IS, and maybe if I find out
WHAT IS, I won't like it.  OK, that would be too bad, now wouldn't it.
You also find that finding out WHAT IS is very hard to do, because you
don't know where to look or who to ask, or even how to go about starting
to find out WHAT REALLY IS.
 
     You also find that you are very afraid to look to see WHAT IS
because you might find something you don't like, you might find that
your Desire and WHAT IS are NOT in fact in accord, and in that case you
would be up the creek forever.  Better to not know, or just believe
things were good than to know the truth, right?
 
     But there is another way to look at the game.  Suppose that WHAT IS
and your desire ARE in accord.  Thus you are unhappy only because you
have a false understanding of WHAT IS and your understanding rankles
with your desire and this produces the experience of loss and sorrow.
 
     How then to get a better view of the WHAT IS, so that you can know
that you have what you want?  You see the problem is we don't know very
much about the WHAT IS or where to look to find out.  It would help if
we had some inkling of what we were looking for, then we could better
look to see if it were true.
 
     For example, someone could TELL YOU, well the WHAT IS is this way,
and you go look and suddenly you see that they are right.  You would
never have found out that the WHAT IS was that way, because you never
would have thought of it, and you wouldn't have known where to look, but
once you already have the idea of what the WHAT IS might be, why then
its real easy to see if its true or not.
 
     So where do you turn to get your idea of what the WHAT IS might be?
 
     From your DESIRE of course.
 
     So now the game is with yourself and your desire.
 
     You start asking yourself, WHAT WOULD HAVE TO BE TRUE FOR ME TO BE
PERFECTLY HAPPY?  Each time you come up with an answer that you are SURE
is right, you then look to see if it is true.  If it is true, you will
see that it is.
 
     That's real convenient isn't it?  You see the WHAT IS is willing to
cooperate with you on discovering what it is, but ONLY IF YOU ALREADY
KNOW WHAT YOU ARE LOOKING FOR.  And the only way to find what you are
looking for is IN THE NATURE OF WHAT YOU DESIRE TO BE TRUE.
 
     Desire is a very fundamental part of existence, the WHOLE PURPOSE
OF EXISTENCE, THE WHOLE DESIRE OF EXISTENCE is that desire have what it
wants.
 
     Thus Desire knows all about WHAT IS, because for one, desire
DESIRES that this be true so it HAS to be true for desire to be happy,
and for two the whole of existence exists to service desire, so you can
be sure that the WHAT IS has made sure that DESIRE knows everything
about the WHAT IS that could ever be important for it to know.
 
     No one has ever said that to you before.
 
     So from your desire you can determine what you WANT to be true, and
then you can look at existence and see if it is true.  If it is true,
you will see that it is.  That's the promise that God made to you.
 
     The promise only holds under two conditions.
 
     1.) You must desire what ever it is to be true.
     2.) It must be true.
 
     If both of these hold, then all you have to do is to LOOK at
existence to see if it is true.
 
     Pure magic, isn't it?
 
     So the only way to find perfect happiness is,
 
     1.) Find out what your desire wants,
     2.) LOOK to see if it's true.
 
     May you all be pleasantly surprised.
 
     Homer
 
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Homer Wilson Smith           This file may be found at
homer@rahul.net              ftp.rahul.net/pub/homer/act/ACT69.MEMO
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